General comparison

  Ubuntu Arch Linux
Attended portion of setup ~ 5 min.1 ~ 25 min.
Unattended portion of setup 15 - 20 min. 8 - 12 min.
Initial system configuration < 5 min. > 30 min.
Time to fully usable system (i.e., getting work done) 2 - 3 h. 2 - 3 days
Stuff that needs to be removed lots (OOo, Mono, Gwibber, etc.) none
Stuff that needs to be installed 15 - 20 packages (GIMP, Inkscape, etc.) 30 - 40 packages (vim, mutt, xorg, firefox, etc.)
Ease of doing something "new"2 easy somewhat difficult
Efficiency once setup moderate – good good – extreme
1 these numbers are in no way meant to be scientific—at best, they're a guestimate from my past experience.
2 like adding a printer, networking computers, etc.

Rankings

  Ubuntu Arch Linux
Ease of use 8 / 10 1 / 10
Time to setup 9 / 10 2 / 10
Minimal-ness 3.5 / 10 9 / 10
Productivity (after setup) 7 / 10 7.5 / 10
Conduciveness to dark themes 6 / 10 8 / 10
Geek credibility factor 3 / 10 8 / 10
Total score: 36.5 / 60 35.5 / 60

Epilogue

Ubuntu wins by one point! Take that, Arch!

Please don't take this seriously. I'm just having a little fun after my recent Arch experience.